Tale of two Couches

I do NOT like change, let me repeat, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE.  How dare she?  How very dare she?  I like to wake the tall one at the exact same time each day, I like to run upstairs and then run down to the top third step on her return from work every single day.  It has to be the third step mind, no other step will do.  I like routine.  I do NOT like change.  So you can imagine my dismay when some big loud men came into my house and deposited something big, elephantine dark grey and stinky smelling.  I was outraged I tell you, incandescent.  I like to sleep on the same beige Laura Ashley sofa every day I do not like change.

What did I do?  I sulked.  I wailed.  I glared.  I sulked.  I refused to go anywhere near the imposter sofa.  Not one inch towards it, not one whisker.  I sat on my old sofa until further affrontery was caused by more invaders coming into the house to this time remove the old sofa.  I do not like change.  I then spent two further weeks, glaring, wailing and sulking and generally hating the beast. After a while it got a little tedious and the Tall One came home to find my litter-dust paws tracked along a cushion so I had to admit defeat and did a big roly-poly over the new sofa to mark it with my scent.  However, I'm not overly impressed with the cushion fillings.  Old Laura Ashley fibre-filled 8/10.  New Multiyork cheapo foam filled 5/10 as it has an alarming habit of giving way.

Enjoying time with "old friends" sofa

Tell-tale cat litter footprints

Aquainting myself with "new friends"

High Afternoon

Meet Benji.  Benji is a dominant aggressive and vocal cat who is terrorising the feline neighbourhood.  On Saturday, Benji decided he'd like to move into the Tall One's house and so instigated a plan of action to try and boot me out.  He would jump into the garden and I would chase him out.  I would sit on top of the pond and he would stealth creep up on me and I would shout at him and chase him out.  He would then return and shout at me and we'd have a bit of a tussle ...  We spent about an hour just staring at each other but I eventually became bored and came into the house where he tried to follow me until the Tall One shut the door.  He then spent all evening scratching on the glass doors trying to come into the house in a threatening manner like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  Seriously, this cat has some attitude!

Feline for all Seasons

I have a new plate to eat my Lick-e-Lix paste off.  I now have a Spring, Autumn and Winter plate so think the Tall One needs to get her act into gear and hurry up with the Summer one.  I could do with the extra nourishment as well as I've been losing weight for no reason and have been visiting the blasted vets much more than I'd like to.  The Tall One has been very worried and just registered me at a different vets called The Oxford Cat Clinic to see if they might be able to find out what is going on.

Valentine's Day Disappointment

Rushed downstairs this morning with a thumping heart to see how many Valentine's Day tributes had been left for me.  Bitter blow to discover an empty bowl.  What, not even anything from the elderly tortoiseshell cat two door's down.  I'm sure I have some admirers, they are just not making themselves known for fear of social inequality.  After all I am a pedigree and therefore far above the ranks of the average feline on the street.  I wailed my disappointment at the Tall One who has promised to compensate with prawns this evening so all is not lost.

Phyllis & Dilys: The Christmas Mice

Lookie-here. It was the Tall One's first day back at work on Tuesday after the Christmas break, so in order to prepare her for this occasion I decided to test her response rates.  Exactly at three o'clock in the morning I jumped up on the bed and landed squarely on her chest.  I then nipped her wrist, inserted my claw in her nostril and firmly clasped my teeth through her hair onto her scalp.  Normally, I can be dissuaded from such activity by several minutes of wrestling. However, this time I wasn't taking no for an answer and the Tall one got quite alarmed that she'd left the iron on, there was a fire somewhere or that someone was trying to break in as I was so insistent.  After much door rattling and pacing the Tall One returned to bed.  I then took this as my cue to do some stomach heaving and returned the food on her carpet that I had eaten earlier that evening.  Did she not know that I was telling her I was about to throw up?  

A few wet wipes applied to the carpet later the Tall One returned moaning about "blasted stains".  I examined the area and had to concur with her that indeed the carpet now featured a patch a shade darker, so I decided to accessorize further by going outside, eating some grass and then promptly regurgitating that a few inches away from my sick pile.  All was not lost however, as the Kewley-Grettons kindly sent the same day some very clever Christmas mice in stockings in the post.  I threw them about and chomped on their heads several times and then carried them upstairs to the bedroom.  As you can see, with a wave of my wand and a shout of 'obscuro' I can magic the stains away with careful placement of Phyllis & Dillis.  I am immensely proud of my interior design skills.

The Prince & the Pea

After trying but then abandoning a few unsatisfactory bedding arrangements, I settled upon this one.  Although I do have some, ahem, internal cushioning of my own, I do like to ensure a good layer of soft padding when taking my slumbers.  The Tall One was a slight misery-guts about it though and informed me that I was distributing my flea eggs amongst her clean ironing pile.

Acquainting oneself with the Halloween Arachnids

Slight surprise to find these fellows on the stairs.  I decided an attitude of casual nonchalance was the best approach until I could work out if they were friends or foes.

Thought I would get a little closer to inspect them since nobody was around to do formal introductions ...

Well there is no harm in a chap getting better acquainted with his house-guests now is there.  After all we could become bosom friends

And if I kind of accidentally sniff it, stick my claw in its head and scalp out a large tuft of fur and then run off with it in my mouth, well it is all in the spirit of fellowship and bonhomie, isn't it?