How Great Thou Art, How Great Thou Art





Mutual Admiration



"Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made". 

Yes, godly works are upon earth indeed!  Please take time to gaze on Valentine's Day upon my unparalleled divine form and to ask yourself if there is a better tribute to the Lord's creation than myself.  I think you will find after some deliberation that there is not.  Admire the shape of my head, the curve of my nose and swoon over the fur on my fine tail.

As well as thanking myself for my natural good looks I have to thank Auntie Poll for giving me this fine gift as a late birthday present and the talented Binks c/o Compton Verney for taking inspiration from my wondrous self and creating this wonderful ornament.

Waiting for Halloween

I'm getting prepared for Halloween and the arrival of thunderous intruders knocking at my door causing me to growl, assume a body position low to the ground and then to rush upstairs to seek sanctuary under the double bed.  However, I should be grateful that the Tall One does not make me suffer the unspeakable humiliating awfulness that are 'costumes'.  If she tried the emasculating costume below I'd be sure to pack up and leave.

Un chat noir dans ma maison

Assessing the Domestic Appliances

Checking out the food situation

Well, what can I say.  I had to endure about a week of this blasted blighter busting in through the bathroom window at every given opportunity whilst I was either asleep upstairs or further afield , until finally enough was enough.  It tried its best Oscar performance for a lost stray soul far from afar when I know it lives on the other side of the street with another large tabby that I dislike intensely, a bad-tempered Schnauzer and several daughters with boyfriends in situ.  The Tall One thinks it was simply looking for some peace and quiet but whatever it was certainly determined at giving it a good go at moving into my house.  The final straw was when I came downstairs to find it had salivated over my cat-nip toy and I'm afraid to say some biting of its tail area was involved.  Whatever, it seems to have done the trick and I haven't seen it since.  Good riddance.

Die Drei Katzen Schwartzen

Well here I am trying to catch up with the latest episode of "Cats Do The Stupidest Things" on the old googlebox.  Hang on a minute, this isn't me! Who the Great Houdini is it in MY house, on MY floor, standing on MY tv stand?  Outrageous.  Oh, I remember now. I bashed the Tall One about at 5.10 am in order to be let outside and then went off for my morning gallivanting - possibly involving pooping in someone else's garden.  Whilst I was out the Tall One caught up with her domestic duties and was doing the washing up when she glanced sideways to find a medium size black cat tucking into my dried food bowl.  Upon being espied she/he mewed pitifully in a ''I've wandered far from home and can't find my way back thither in this thick fog.  As you can tell from my face, which is wearing a large amount of vegetation and cobwebs, it is possible that I've been stuck in someone's shed and have only just been released and therefore require shelter and sustenance from the elements".  The Tall One being the pathetic softie that she is took pity on the traveller from afar and brushed the dust away from its face where it took delight in feeling the soft touch of human compassion upon it once again.  It then proceeded to jump about the kitchen counters with glee only jumping off to explore the living room whereupon it caught scent of my catnip toy and rollie-pollied all over it before having a look at the tv to check whether anything interesting was upon before it settled down on the rug.  It was at this point that I made my reappearance from outside and was frankly taken aback when I saw another cat making itself at home in my house and I found myself frozen to the spot in shock.  Luckily the intruder had the good sense to scarper before I could box it about the ears and I had to take myself off to my cat bed to cover from this startling effrontery.  This is the second black cat that keeps coming near my house and then I met a third in the Paradiesgarten.

I hope to recover in time for another exciting evening of throwing myself at the long-legged insect winged things that seem to have had a population explosion over the past couple of days and keep flying into the house.  The Tall One is thankful for my efforts on this part as she can't stand the Daddy Long Legs.

The Night Watch

Encouraged by Radio 4, I've been taking part in a scientific experiment.  UK citizens are being encouraged to record the population of moths, particularly Hawk moths in their back gardens as they migrate from warmer or colder climes - couldn't gather which.  They are apparently being attracted by the smell of alcohol so I blame the old soak the Tall One with her evening glass of wine or prosecco:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/giant-moths-are-invading-britain--attracted-by-alcohol-and-tobacco-10495091.html

Well, being the diligent feline citizen that I am, I've been collecting data on the moths for them.

This involves going out into the garden at dusk and using my special night vision to locate them.  It is then necessary to report back to the Tall One with 'my results' in order to have these verified and recorded.  I've 'obtained' a wide range of large-winged samples for her perusal including these two.  I think I ought to be awarded a PhD now for scientific endeavour.

I'm no Tinkerbell!

News reaches me from distant lands that I am not the only badly behaved cat.  Mr Augustus, shortened form 'Gus' but who I call 'Gusset' (snigger) has recently moved abode.  He was the immensely trying feline who came to stay as a kitten and pooped in my litter tray and then proceeded to demolish my gourmet food.  You only need to watch Simon's Cat's "Double Trouble" to see what went down.  I am used to being the one in charge and did not take kindly to this outrageous behaviour and so I tried staring him down under the kitchen table and then tried to herd him behind the radiator but the blighter kept escaping.  Anyway I digress, he's apparently moved house and took a look at his new block and was not impressed as he was leaving behind some adoring senior citizens from his old neighbourhood who would regularly put tasty tit-bits down for him and lavish attention upon him even if they did insist on calling him 'Gilbert'.  He should be grateful for this moniker though as it does at least vaguely resemble his actual name, unlike 'Tinkerbell' as I was greeted recently by a retired gent who is actually called Gilbert over the road.  Tinkerbell imagine?!  I'm a boy cat mister.  Anyway, after a week of being kept inside he seized his first opportunity of outside-time and then refused to come home whilst a Bengal, Abysinnian or some other such fancy cat has apparently been trying to do a house-swop and enter my Aunt Poll's house by shouting at their back door to come in.  Thankfully he has reappeared since.  I made a similar move on the Tall One yesterday and refused to come out of the Paradiesgarten when asked to and so received abysmal neglect when I was left to fend for myself for three hours when she went into Oxford  for a new clothes airer.  I made sure I rushed at her car whilst she was trying to park, forcing her to do an emergency stop and then proceeded to shout at her for a good hour until I felt suitably reassured.

Bottoms Up

I have discovered a Secret Garden down the footpath.  It is ein Paradiesgarten. Sehr guht.  I get to jump around in the long grass catching the wings of flapping moths in my mouth, to explore inside dilapidated sheds and sniff out odours piquantes amongst the piles of scrap metal piled high.  I've also found other cats out hunting in the same territory.  It is also highly amusing watching the Tall One duck under brambles, limbo around thick ivy trunks and scramble over chicken wire in her efforts to capture me to bring me back inside for the evening.  She also likes to wail my name but I'm convinced I'm called 'Kissie' rather than Moses so I make zero response to her calls.  I like to evade capture for at least a good trenta minuti to get my money's worth.  I've even discovered a few very small frogs in my garden.  The Tall One hopes they might bring down the numbers of gargantuan slugs that make merry but she fears the slugs will devour them instead.