All Visitors Great & Small

Had a visit from small 9 year old niece girl called Marvellous Martha last weekend.  I got over-excited and rushed after her from room to room startling her somewhat.  I must admit I also got a bit jealous as she was receiving a disproportionate amount of attention from my owner which was most definitely not on.  However, matters were improved slightly when my owner returned from Witney's The Pottery Place (if it is good enough for David Cameron's children, it is good enough for me) with a food dish for me featuring my beautiful form so that I may marvel at my bounteous splendour every time I receive my evening's ration of Lick e Lix pale pink paste (yum).

Making Friends with Local Wildlife

Very pleased to discover some exotic local wildlife (c/o Frosts Garden Centre) on the living room rug and immediately adopted stalking position and gave it a good bash about with paws.  Most interesting twig like bits projecting from its head that I also explored with my teeth.

I am naturally blessed with interior decorating skills and like to re-arrange glass baubles on Christmas trees to a more aesthetically pleasing position.  This usually involves standing on tip-toes, grabbing and pulling them with some force off a branch and then tossing them with great vigour around the floor until they break apart into many tiny pieces.  Roll on December I say, may the fun beginneth.

Have been rather bored over recent days though as 'the rain it raineth every day' in West Oxfordshire recently and I have not been particularly enthusiastic about taking myself into great puddles even if there are plenty of worms to be had.  I have been giving my owner a good shouting at when she returns from work and demand to be picked up and cuddled where I purr loudly.

Avon Calling

A Moses Basket

Crikey, bit of a tight squish to fit into my cat basket.  I've not used it for several months and think it must have 'shrunk in the wash'.  My owner implied I might have put on weight and I was most offended.  What is worse, I have to revist the vets soon for some booster jabs and a health check and last time they suggested I was rather on the portly side, can you imagine?

Still cultivating my fleas nicely despite Frontline assaults. My owner de-capitated one last night in the kitchen sink with some hot water and washing up liquid.  Have been assisting  with the wrapping of a few presents recently and she is a little concerned that she may be gift wrapping a few flea eggs for the recipients at the same time, lucky them!

Met nice 'Avon Calling' lady, Shirley, on Sunday afternoon and brushed around her ankles until highly offensive tortoiseshell feline appeared on opposite side of the road whereupon I charged like the lightbrigade (whatever that might be??).  I believe that their 'Skin So Soft' range is meant to be excellent at deterring mosquitos and midges and such like so maybe my owner ought to have bought some lotion for my infernal fleas.  Off for a snooze now ....

Ill Met By 7.15 pm

Ye Gads!  Afright your eyes upon these hellish harridans who alighted off their broomsticks for an evening of malevolent mayhem on Friday 26 October.  Perchance, I fear their internal body clocks may have been amiss as they arrived five days early as Halloween is but some five days oft.  However, I found them so alarming with their loud shrieking that I was too a'feared to speak up and correct them on this matter and hid myself in a pile of washing.  They shrieked, devoured, rested and then flew oft again the following morning leaving a trail of small bouncy eyeballs behind them (from out of a cracker).

I had hoped that they might bring me a tasty live mouse in their suitcase but it does not seem that modern day witches eat such things these days and prefer such stuff as Foot and Mouth Disease jelly as below.

The Great Catsby - Assisting with household tasks

I am quite keen on 'assisting' with household activities.  Here I am on the dining table having sat on the towel that my owner was using to wipe the table.  She then resumed her wiping with a blue cloth and I was a great aid in helping her get the table clean as you can see.  My household skills are also useful when ironing is in process as I can sneak up, hide and then attach my claws to a sheet so that my owner is incapable of pulling it across the ironing board as well as adding a fine layer of fur atop nicely warm ironed items.  Mopping is another common household task that I am able to offer my services for as I like to chase the mop, then rush outside and back again placing nice muddy footprints across the floor.  Yours splendidly skilled Hausmann Moses Mendel

The Swish of the Curtain

There is something very satisfying about hiding behind a curtain and ambushing an unsuspecting owner with a cry of triumph, dilated pupils and an attacking paw when they walk past.  It is especially fine when combined with the warmth of a radiator cover and a lined curtain to keep out the draughts.

Sadly no more delightfully smelly furry whiskered things or at least none that I've been able to drag into the house which has been a BITTER BLOW.  Even worse, one of the neighbourhood plebian moggies seems to be trying to send me a threatening message.  No not a horse head in my bed but uncovered mega-sized sloppy poop in two places on the gravel drive.  You won't find a pedigree cat pooping on dirt, heaven forbid ...  Anyway my owner was indignant as she trod on one pile and then had to get kitchen tongs out to scoop up the abominations.  Then as she left this morning there was a large furry tabby eyeing her on the opposite side of the road.  One of my owner's work colleagues has just adopted two rescue kittens and there has been mention of a kitten party.  I don't think she knows what she is letting herself in for as I am most likely to infest them with fleas and then round them up into a corner and terrorise them.

Catch of the Day

 

Immensely aggrieved.  Exited property at 6.00 am.  Re-entered property at 6.05 am with a small visitor in my mouth.  Deposited said visitor at my owner's feet.  Owner caught sight of what at first sight appeared to be a large spider leg disappearing under the sofa cover and let out loud shriek.  I immediately wished to calm her nerves and so caught and re-presented her with my offering - a small dark brown baby mouse.  Further shrieking ensued.  I then batted the mouse around the living room floor like Pele, letting it run and then trapping it with my paw.  My owner chased around after me with various implements, scooping up the mouse until it leapt off the spoon into my catches.  Eventually she trapped it under a tupperware box which I whacked about to get the mouse to move whilst my owner frantically searched for some card.  At 6.15 am my treacherous owner threw the mouse outside and shut me inside.  Refusing to make eye contact with her now ... meanie