'Il y a une puce' loose about the hoose

I was relatively well-behaved in the night but my owner awoke at 3.05 am and went downstairs for a trip to the toilet where she discovered a fine specimen of cat flea sucking on her leg.  Upon returning upstairs she inspected my head and found an even larger example making merry amongst my fur.  My owner tried to catch it with her thumb and forefinger but my fur is too thick and it quickly disappeared amongst my snowy white pelt.  I must admit I am finding these creatures most aggravating but I do not help matters as I struggle for freedom when the flea treatment is applied and a large amount of it tends to land on my fur and not on the skin on the back of my neck.

My owner is continuing with the de-stoning of her front border.  However, now that the majority of gravel has gone one of the neighbourhood cats has taken it upon itself to adopt it as a new cat latrine much to my owner's disgust.  It isn't me, I refuse to use the outside facilities and prefer to make use of indoor facilities that befit my high status.

Of Mice and (Wo)Men

This is a picture of me sitting in a cat nip daze thanks to amazeballs mice kindly provided by Michelle Morgan, Manchester Physiotherapist Extraordinaire.  I can report back that they have considerably improved my manual dexterity and strength.  Sadly, I am rather lacking in real hunting skills.  I am able to present my owner with enormous spiders waving their legs out of my mouth in the early hours of the morning and am an expert fly trapper.  I can also go outside in the Autumnal months and bring in 17cms earthworms and hide my booty under the living room rug in record speeds.  However, real mice, birds and bunnies evade me as I get over-excited, chirrup loudly at them so they know I am coming and bound up with great noisy speed. 

Apart from this I have been scratching a great deal due to my irritating fleas, depositing flea dirt on my owners bedding, chasing moggie cats off the pavement and refusing to eat Waitrose own cat food sachets.

Three Dis(Graces) or the Terrible, Awful ...

Above is a picture of a cake that my owner made me for her mother's 70th Birthday.  I found the whole thing a major inconvenience.  It is meant to show my owner with her two sisters when they were teenagers.  Frankly,  the whole thing was a total waste of time as she frittered away about three hours modelling icing when she could have been admiring my great beauty, playing ball games with me or pushing her hands through my bounteous fur.  I will discourage such further crafting actitvities.  Even worse, the cake did not feature my great self but did feature some rather scruffy cats from the past.  Imagine!

 

Two dogs and a dumb feline

Sat at the end of the path on guard cat duty last night as my owner de-stoned her front flowerbed, no that isn't a euphemism for something else.  Saw something greatly exciting (mouse/rat/loose Lion from Essex) on drive opposite, adopted hunting pose and rushed towards neighbours' wrought iron front gates.  My idiot owner obstructed me and annoyingly picked me up and carried me back to her side of the fence.  I immediately resumed hunting pose and bounded past through the gates.  Most surprised to find large Labrador and Spinone dogs barking excitedly and chasing me in hot pursuit.  What a rush!  My owner did not seem to see the funny side of it and bundled me with great haste back into the house.  Never get to have any fun ...