Hug a Hood(y) near Witney

The Tall One is a bit sad as Squeaky the skinny black cat has vanished and she is worried about him: "is he shut in somewhere, has he been attacked by dogs, have the thieves who have been targetting vans in the village made off with him"? I frankly couldn't give a damn about the welfare of the cat but am immensely bored without having something smaller to bully and herd up on my trips outside.  Instead, I am having to entertain myself by finding inappropriate places to sleep.  Here I am lying inside the hood of my cat litter tray which the Tall One has just sprayed with a nasty chemical pong.  Sadly it was a little too comfy and I failed to notice the monstrously large longhaired tabby come inside the house where it tucked into my Gourmet Perle Mon Petit food and the Tall One had to shoo it away.

Reasons Not to Feed Your Neighbour's Cats (The Kray Twins)

Our  Lady of the Dressing Gown opposite recently aquired a Staffie puppy whereupon she became apparently bored of her two black sibling kittens (alternately called Ronnie & Reggie Kray and Squeaky and Squealy by the Tall One, not knowing their true names) and to all intents and purposes stopped feeding them or letting them in her house.  Personally, I don't care about their names I just want to bop them on the head and chase the irritating critters off MY LAND.  They have been coming in MY garden and sneaking into MY kitchen and eating from MY food bowls. 

Concerned that the furry vermin were looking malnourished the Tall One started to give them the odd treat to prevent them following her when she went for a walk, this was BIG mistake sister and now:

* cat(s) will rush out from nowhere within 3 seconds of the front gate being opened and squeak for food;
* cat(s) will sprint out at the sight of her and roly-poly all over the path rubbing their scent glands into the concrete and leaving a horrible pong;
* cat(s) will climb into the car unnoticed and make themselves at home on the back seat as the Tall One tries to load her bags into the car before setting off for work
* The Tall One is having to spend some of her salary on feed the darn things when she could be using the money more wisely on prawns for myself.

I wish to write a letter to my local MP to complain but cannot co-ordinate my paws to hold a pen.